A Little Humour for You

[Sue]

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

[Sue]

Well ok, no comment on that lot....

I have a couple more for you.

To avoid duplication, make three copies.
It's called "take home" pay because you can't afford to go anywhere else with it.
Success is relative, the greater the success, the more relatives.
Anyone can be a winner, unless, of course, there's a second entry.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
People like criticism, just keep it positive and flattering
It's OK to let your mind go blank, but please turn off the sound.
When you're getting kicked from behind, that means you're in front.
Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

[Sue]

Just find it amazing that for all the millions of poker/slot machines around in the world, I have not been able to find any jokes relating to them. Anyone else got some?

[Admin1]

Cats rule.

[Sue]

How about a Puddy Tat Pokie?

Stilllllll cant find any pokie jokes!!!!

[Kitkat]

HOW TO BATHE A CAT


1. Thoroughly clean toilet.

2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.

3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.

4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on top, so cat cannot escape.

5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds.

(Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)

6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.

7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible and quickly lift both lids.

8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors,
where he will air dry.

Sincerely,

The Dog

[Sue]

Hisssssssss.....Spit........

Not nice Kitkat

I shall skitch the witch (and her cat) from Monster Money on to you. hehehe

[Spyone1 (Greg)]

Oi...Sue, you leave my mother-in-law right where she is, thank you!!! /webboard/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif You can use the witch picture from the reels if you like though.

And yes, my wife DOES know about this...mum-in-law?? not a chance!!!

[Sue]

This weeks chuckle.....

Well this was a good as I could do, for general viewing at least, on slots/pokies. What do you think?

Eddie Murphy did what?
Karen, a Midwestern housewife, took her first trip to Las Vegas last year. She had done very well playing the slot machines, winning a bucket full of quarters. Karen needed a break and she left the casino heading toward the elevators, taking her bucket with her.

She steps into the elevator and before the doors shut, four beefy, leather-clad African-American men step in. Karen (never having spent much time with African Americans) clutches her bucket close to her chest.

One of the men says, "Hit the floor, lady," and she does: quarters fly everywhere. The men bust up laughing and they help Karen collect her winnings. One of the men explains that he meant for her to select her floor. They help her collect her quarters and the elevator arrives at her floor. She leaves embarrassed, and the men are still laughing.

Later that evening, a dozen roses are delivered to Karen's room. There is a one hundred dollar bill attached to each rose. The note attached read: "Thank you for the best laugh I've had in years! Eddie Murphy."

[Saniqua45]

still good reading.

/webboard/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/3spam.gif